Potential (or Actual?) Ways I Can Be Like George Costanza

georgecostanzaFor us neurotic, unsuccessful, unhappy people, George Costanza is a realistic role model. But how much am I really like Costanza, or how much can I be like George?

The result of much honest soul-searching, here are the top things George Costanza has done that I can easily imagine myself doing (or…that I have already done?):

  • Buy a used car just because the salesman suggested a celebrity owned it
  • Eat a block of cheese half-naked (or, let’s face it, naked)
  • Pretend an argument and a rage-quitting with my boss never happened (in fact, I think pretending an argument never happened is why one of my romantic relationships ended!)
  • Encourage my parents to move just to get more of a buffer zone
  • Urinate in a public place
  • Cheat on an IQ test
  • Alternate between thinking I’m a failure as a writer and wondering why I’m not as successful as, say, Thomas Pynchon
  • Fake a religious conversion for personal gain
  • Stay in a bad relationship out of spite toward someone who said it wouldn’t last
  • Get upset when a friend takes credit for a favor I did
  • Try covert tactics to passive aggressively get out of a relationship
  • Have a sexual relationship with an erotic component based entirely on the history of warfare and violence between our nationalities/ethnicities (oh wait, that’s Larry David…)

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